You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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