So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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