You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
