dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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