So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
