I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
