his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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