She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drunk is not a location!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
