I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
