I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
