I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have demons in me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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