CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
