Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
