i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
