If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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