Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize