I just saw a hot homeless man
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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