The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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