My first STD was from a foam party
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
