While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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