Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
