just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
