No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
