the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
