I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
