I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
