Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
