hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
