All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
