When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
