My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize