FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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