well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
