So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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