Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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