Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
