its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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