I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
