Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize