weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your penis caused this!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize