i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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