I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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