We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
