doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
