He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
