Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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