My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
