Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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