It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well you can't waste a boner
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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