Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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