I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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