I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
