hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
