Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
