3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
