Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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