Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
