remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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