so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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