He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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