I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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