So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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