I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
