You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
someone owes me an orgasm
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
