My room smells like vodka and shame
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
