i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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