There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
