Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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