Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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